Crossing the Goal's Site

Engagement is a special time, and during this period couples may feel that they are “almost married,” but in reality being married is like being pregnant—you either are or you are not. No matter how committed a couple may feel, until they actually pledge themselves to one another on their wedding day, they cannot pledge themselves to one another with their bodies in bed.

Some might feel that this idea is old-fashioned. It is definitely old, but it still works. Waiting to receive each other from the Lord allows the couple to establish authentic intimacy. By waiting on God and focusing on what he is calling them to, the couple receive the freedom to see that intimacy is not simply about how close your body is to someone else’s. A healthy relationship does not require sex in order to be intimate. Love is patient, and a man and woman who are confident in their love know that they will have the rest of their lives to enjoy sex. But now is their only time to prepare for marriage—to lay the foundation for the rest of their lives together.

Waiting to share the gift of sex should be seen not as a passive delay of passion but as an active training in faithfulness. In the words of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, “Those who are engaged to marry are called to live chastity in continence [abstinence]. They should see in this time of testing a discovery of mutual respect, an apprenticeship in fidelity, and the hope of receiving one another from God. They should reserve for marriage the expressions of affection that belong to married love. They will help each other grow in chastity.”[1] Don’t you want to know before the wedding if your spouse will be able to resist temptations after the wedding?

Since engagement is a time to prepare to become a sacrament, the months preceding a marriage are a time of serious discernment. By having sex during this time, couples hinder their ability to look at the relationship clearly. They feel so close as a result of sex that they are often unable to look at the past, present, or future critically. The sexual intimacy may even blind them from seeing that their relationship lacks real intimacy, and it may prevent them from bringing to the surface worries or hesitations they may have. In fact, sex may cover up defects of love.

When a woman says yes to her boyfriend’s proposal, this is not the end of their discernment process for marriage. Until they pronounce their vows, no permanent commitment has been made. Imagine if you were engaged, but you knew in your heart that you needed to call off the wedding. Consider how much more difficult it would be to break an engagement if you were already sleeping with your fiancé.

Some people ask, “Well, how do you know if you want to marry a person if you don’t sleep with her?” I would reply, “How do you know you should marry her once you have slept together?” If anything you are less clear-minded, because sex is not designed to be a test to find a good spouse.

Just because a person is capable of physical intimacy does not mean that he or she is capable of the other kinds of intimacy that hold a marriage together. Because sex has the power to bond, the experience may seem wonderful in the initial stages of a relationship, and both partners will feel quite “compatible.” But think about a couple you know who have been married for fifty years. They sit on their front porch swing, smiling with all their wrinkles at each other. They are still together because they have been refined by the fires of love, not burnt by the counterfeits of lust.

So why not wait for the honeymoon? I know of couples who were sexually active long before their wedding, and when they arrived at their honeymoon suite, they immediately fell asleep. They had been there and done that, so why not rest up for something new and exciting—like jet skiing? They only robbed themselves. On the other hand, one woman who saved that gift for the honeymoon said that it was “unspeakably worth the wait.”[2]

How often do you hear of promiscuous couples experiencing such joy? If a man and woman refuse to wait, what are their motives? Does impatience, lust, or pride motivate the couple to disobey God? These vices only harm a marriage. It is through humility, obedience, chastity, patience, and a willingness to sacrifice that a couple build a lifelong love. So why not practice these virtues now?

In the meantime, know that each time you resist sin you bless one another. In addition, God has issued a special challenge to men. When a man perseveres in the virtue of chastity, he helps fulfill that challenge: to love his bride as Christ loves the Church, to give himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, that he might present his bride to God “without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” (Eph. 5:25–27). A man should consider his acceptance of this challenge to be the measure of his love for his bride. Imagine Christ hanging on the cross, saying to you, “This is how I got my bride to heaven. How else do you think you will get yours there?” When an engaged man embraces such a challenge and grows in purity with his fiancée, you will notice on his wedding day that his bride’s soul matches her dress. She glows. . . And so will he when he sees her walking down the aisle to him.

If we do not understand these principles, perhaps we do not understand marriage. Is it merely a public declaration of the love that a bride and groom feel? Is the wedding a decorative formality, or is God present there, establishing a supernatural bond—a covenant with the couple that can only be severed by death?

At every sacramental marriage a spiritual reality will take place on that altar when a man and woman become a husband and wife. The couple enter into a union that is a sacrament. That night, the marital embrace will become the visible expression of this union blessed by God. Until the marriage vows have been said, a woman is not a wife and should not be treated as one.

When a husband gives his body to his bride and a bride gives herself to him, their bodies speak the truth: “I am entirely yours.” On the other hand, sex anywhere but in marriage is dishonest. No matter what, it cannot say, “I am entirely yours.” Therefore, having sex during the engagement is not a matter of “peeking under the wrapping paper.” It is a matter of completely missing the point of sex and marriage.

If you are engaged, ponder for a moment the gift of your partner. Look how generous God has been with you. When you come to the altar, do you not want to give God a gift in return? Do not come empty-handed. Make the sacrifice to keep your engagement pure, so that you come to the altar with this gift for him.

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[1]. Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2350.
[2]. Elisabeth Elliot, Passion and Purity (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Revell, 1984), 179.

source http://www.chastity.com/chastity-qa/how-far-too-far/sex/it-ok-have-sex-while-you-re-

According to the World Health Organization, the companies that make birth control pills, the FDA, and the Mayo Clinic, yes.

Many doctors do not believe there is a link between the Pill and breast cancer. But considering that the World Heath Organization, the 2006 Physician's Desk Reference, the journal of the Mayo Clinic, and other reliable sources openly admit such a connection, I believe there is reason for concern. Should a woman be prescribed the pill for medical reasons, she will be glad to know that successful alternatives exist. Click here for details on that.

Why does the Pill increase a woman's odds of developing breast cancer? Chris Kahlenborn, M.D., explains: "Two of the most important types of hormones that control reproduction are estrogens and progestins. Birth Control Pills are made from synthetic estrogens and/or progestins. Experiments have shown that these hormones cause women's breast cells to divide more rapidly, which makes them more easily affected by carcinogens - agents which cause cancer"[8].

To read more on breast cancer and the Pill, I'd recommend reading Dr. Kahlenborn's book, Breast Cancer: Its Link to Abortion and the Birth Control Pill. Also check out A Consumer's Guide to the Pill and Other Drugs by John B.Wilks, Pharm. M.P.S.
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FOOTNOTES
[1]. World Health Organization, “IARC Monographs Programme Finds Combined Estrogen-Progestogen Contraceptives and Menopausal Therapy are Carcinogenic to Humans,” International Agency for Research on Cancer, Press Release 167 (29 July 2005).
[2]. Physicians’ Desk Reference, (Montvale, N.J.: Thomson, 2006).
[3]. Collaborative Group on Hormonal Factors in Breast Cancer, "Breast cancer and hormonal contraceptives: collaborative reanalysis of individual data on 53 297 women with breast cancer and 100 239 women without breast cancer from 54 epidemiological studies," Lancet 347:9017 (22 June 1996):1713-1727.
[4]. Cf. Mayo Clinic Proceedings, Oral Contraceptive Use as a Risk Factor for Premenopausal Breast Cancer: A Meta-analysis, Chris Kahlenborn, MD, et al., October 2006; 81(10): 1290-1302.
[5]. Susan Boyles, "The Pill May Raise Breast Cancer Risk: Analysis Suggests Small Increase in Risk When Oral Contraceptives Used Before First Pregnancy," WebMD Health News (Oct. 31, 2006).
[6] Chris Kahlenborne, as quoted at www.physiciansforlife.org
[7]. John B. Wilks, Pharm. M.P.S., A Consumer's Guide to the Pill and Other Drugs, 2nd Edition, (Stafford, Virginia, ALL inc., 1997), p. 70.
[8]. Chris Kahlenborne, M.D., Breast Cancer Risk from the Pill, available at www.omsoul.com .

from http://www.chastity.com/chastity-qa/birth-control/safe-sex/does-birth-control-pill-i

Contraceptives are not needed to plan family size. In Calcutta, NFP has proven to be a practical alternative that works effectively. The British Medical Journal reported, “Indeed, a study of 19,843 poor women in India [practicing NFP to delay pregnancy] had a pregnancy rate approaching zero.”[1]

But is there an overpopulation problem? Especially in the 1960s and 1970s, people feared that the world’s population would soon outstrip its resources. Books predicted that the earth would run out of natural resources, such as gas, lead, and petroleum. Widespread catastrophes were feared, and some predicted that hundreds of millions of Americans would starve to death. Indeed, the world saw an exponential growth in population in the 1900s. However, much of this was a result of advances in medicine. Because the average life expectancy was lengthened, there were more people alive than ever before.

Now life expectancies have begun to level out, and although the population continues to increase, the 1970s doomsday predictions have faded away. In fact, many countries are now facing economic difficulties as a result of underpopulation.[2] Global fertility and birth rates have been rapidly decreasing for more than twenty-five years.[3] Almost every developed country in the world has a below-replacement fertility rate.[4] The fertility rate of developing nations tends to be higher, but according to the United Nations Population Division, between 2005 and 2050 the worldwide number of children (persons under fifteen) will decline.[5]

While some people predicted that there would be too many children, others feared that humans would run out of space. However, humans occupy only 1 to 3 percent of the Earth’s surface. If you gathered every human being on Earth, we would all fit in Jacksonville, Florida. If everyone moved to Texas, each person would have more than a thousand square feet in which to live.[6] This provides more living space than people have in San Francisco and only slightly less than they have in the Bronx.[7]

The problem is not a lack of space but an unjust distribution of resources. One researcher noted that “according to the Food and Agriculture Organization, world food supplies exceed requirements in all world areas.”[8] Besides, farmers use less than half of the land that can be used for agriculture. Human poverty is the result of bad economic policy, war, and corrupt governments, not overpopulation. (For more on this, visit the Population Research Institute, or browse our articles on overpopulation in the library.)

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[1]. R. E. J. Ryder, “‘Natural Family Planning’ Effective Birth Control Supported by the Catholic Church,” British Medical Journal 307 (September 18, 1993), 723.
[2]. Joseph D’Agostino, “Vatican Officials Discuss Solutions for European Underpopulation,” National Catholic Register (July 15, 2006).
[3]. Wetzel, Sexual Wisdom (Ann Arbor, Michigan: Proctor Publications, L.L.C., 1998), 273.
[4]. Wetzel, Sexual Wisdom, 274; “The Fizzling Population Bomb,” Zenit News Agency, March 13, 2005.
[5]. United Nations Department of Public Information, “World Population Will Increase by 2.5 Billion by 2050; People Over 60 to Increase by More Than 1 Billion,” Press Release 952 (March 13, 2007).
[6]. Mercedes Arzú Wilson, Love & Fertility (Dunkirk, Maryland: Family of the Americas Foundation, 1986), 192–193.
[7]. Jacqueline Kasun, “Too Many People?” Envoy, May–June 1998, 34.
[8]. Kasun, “Too Many People?” 36.

Source: http://www.chastity.com/chastity-qa/birth-control/safe-sex/without-birth-control-won

Look at both these issues and judge for yourself if contraception is part of the solution or part of the problem.

Because of the widespread use of birth control, more people than ever have sex without intending to have children. Sex out of wedlock has become far more common, and more sex means more babies. Some argue that teaching people how to use contraceptives will alleviate the problem. But research shows that “programs in safer sex education and condom distribution have not reduced the out-of-wedlock birth rates among sexually experienced teens. . . . The fact is, increased condom use by teens is associated with increased out-of-wedlock birth rates.”[1]

A few years ago in Colorado, one school began passing out condoms to the students. Within three years the birth rate rose 31 percent above the national average, and in one school year one hundred births were expected among the twelve hundred students. The administrators were described as “searching for explanations.”[2]

When unwanted pregnancies occur, many turn to abortion as a solution. In fact, studies show that about half of all unintended pregnancies end in abortion.[3] Some argue that increased use of contraception could have lowered these abortion rates. However, the research institute of the nation’s largest abortion provider admits that most women who receive abortions had been using birth control during the month they became pregnant![4]

Such couples feel that the “fault” of the pregnancy can be blamed on the failed contraception, but by contracepting they have already set their wills against new life. Since contraception treats pregnancy as if it were a disease, many people conclude that abortion must be the cure. I once saw a condom advertisement that called pregnancy “the mother of all nightmares.” With this mentality it is no surprise that the sex researcher Alfred Kinsey said, “At the risk of being repetitious, I would remind the group that we have found the highest frequency of induced abortion in the group which, in general, most frequently used contraceptives.”[5] Even a former medical director of Planned Parenthood admitted in 1973, “As people turn to contraception, there will be a rise, not a fall, in the abortion rate.”[6] Fifty million abortions later, no one can dispute his prediction.

Lastly, it should be noted that anyone who believes that contraception decreases abortions ignores the fact that hormonal birth control can cause abortions.[7] Click here for details on that.

Mother Teresa did not need to see the statistics. She was well aware of the connection between contraception and abortion when she said in a speech in the presence of Bill and Hillary Clinton:

“The way to plan the family is Natural Family Planning, not contraception. In destroying the power of giving life, through contraception, a husband or wife is doing something to self. This turns the attention to self and so destroys the gift of love in him or her. In loving, the husband and wife must turn the attention to each other. Once that living love is destroyed by contraception, abortion follows very easily.”[8]

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[1]. The Consortium of State Physicians Resource Councils, “New Study Shows Higher Unwed Birthrates Among Sexually Experienced Teens Despite Increased Condom Use” (February 10, 1999).
[2]. Jana Mazanee, “Birth Rate Soars at Colorado School,” USA Today, May 19, 1992, 3A.
[3]. Stanley Henshaw, “Unintended Pregnancy in the United States,” Family Planning Perspectives 30:1 (1998), 24–29, 46.
[4]. Rachel Jones, et al., “Contraceptive Use Among U.S. Women Having Abortions in 2000–2001,” Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health 34:6 (November/December 2002), 296.
[5]. Mary S. Calderone, ed., Abortion in the United States: A Conference Sponsored by the Planned Parenthood Federation of America and the New York Academy of Medicine (New York: Harper and Row, 1958), 157.
[6]. Malcolm Potts, Cambridge Evening News, February 7, 1973, as quoted in “The Connection: Abortion, Permissive Sex Instruction, and Family Planning,” Life Research Institute (January 2000).
[7]. Walter L. Larimore and Joseph B. Stanford, “Postfertilization Effects of Oral Contraceptives and Their Relationship to Informed Consent,” Archives of Family Medicine 9 (February 2000), 126–133.
[8]. Mother Teresa, February 5, 1994, National Prayer Breakfast, Washington, D.C.

source http://www.chastity.com/chastity-qa/birth-control/safe-sex/isnt-using-birth-control-